Getting to Go Home

We arrived at the hospital on Tuesday around noon. We ended up getting home on Thursday around noon. We thought we would get to leave Wednesday morning, but just before giving birth to Owen my fever spiked at 102 and my blood count was in the 20,000's vs. 10,000's so they worried I had an infection which led us on to antibiotics that required numerous rounds that had to be given  8 hours apart. The doctor told us Wednesday morning that in good medicine they couldn't let me leave until 24 hours after the fever spike which was 11:30 p.m. Tuesday, so I really couldn't leave until 11:30 p.m. Wednesday and at that point they would rather turn off all nurse calls so we could have a night of uninterrupted sleep at the hospital and go home refreshed in the morning on Thursday. We were sold - I wanted to be 100% when I saw my Beckett.

My fever went away. The antibiotics worked. My white blood cell count returned to 10,000 and we were given the green light to go home at 11 a.m. Thursday. By this point we had had wonderful, healing hospital visits from my Mom and Austin's brother Tyler Tuesday, Austin's parents, my sister and our minister on Wednesday, and visits from the staff at my OBGYN. And, at this point my mom and Austin's mom and dad were all at our house caring for Beckett. We called them and told them we were on the way. We pulled in the driveway full of our family's cars and walked in through the garage - we could hear Beckett at the door, "Mama? Dada?" Sweet girl opened the door and came out and gave us hugs and kisses - I have never been so happy to see her and to see our family and know that she had been 100% loved by her Aunt Devon, Gigi, Mimi and Poppa while we were away.

Our family offered to stay of course but we knew they had been there for days and all had to resume work and travel plans and honestly, we were fine to go back to the three of us. We dropped off my prescriptions and took B out for sushi. Then at 1 p.m. we put her down for her nap and got in bed with our sweet puppers and rested. I reached out to our neighbors (I take Beckett to their house every Thursday at 3 p.m. to play with their three daughters and I stay with their nanny during that time). I cancelled but their mom and nanny insisted we bring Beckett over anyway and that they would keep her until 5 p.m. so she could see her friends and we could have some time at home alone. The sweetest people. Austin walked her over and their sweet nanny sent me pictures during her visit there. At 4:30 p.m. the Blancos came over with tons of Italian food and several boxes of our favorite candy, sour patch kids. They were what we needed and it was so good to hug them. Austin and Andy walked over to get Beckett at 5 p.m. then we all visited and played with Beckett until 6:30 p.m. Me, Austin and Beckett had playtime, some movie time, bath time and bed time. We closed the door to her room at 7:30 p.m. and got a text - The Turmans were on the way with food and gifts and intended to leave it on our doorstep - we met them outside and invited them in. They brought so much Greek food and their son Lee sent a Halloween gift for Beckett (an adorable Mudpie Halloween tutu and headband) and they got a gift for Owen, a beautiful ceramic baby blue cross Christmas ornament we can hang for him this year. They visited and left around 8:30 p.m. then it was just the two of us, looking at each other feeling so grateful for the amazing support of our family and friends who made our first day back not so scary.

Not to mention, throughout the day messages were pouring in. We wanted to tell as few people as necessary and certainly wanted to avoid anyone asking about the baby not knowing, so several of our family and friends offered to share the news on our behalf - this made all of the difference in the world. Devon shared the news with the Shaws and Michelle with the Martins. Austin's boss John told his co-workers. Gail at the church told the staff at Beckett's school and our ministers. Andrea at the Gym childcare center told the staff (and they insisted on putting me on medical leave refusing to charge us). My friend Erin at the Gym told my Cardio Kickbox instructor Carrie so she could tell the Group Fitness instructors. My friend Sarah told our Mom's group and set up a Meal Train beginning Monday. Then Devon hit the button - sharing the news with Facebook ensuring that everyone, eventually, would know without us having to have any awkward conversations. People have been so sweet and thoughtful - so many notes on our walls, comments on Devon's post, and private messages. So many women, friends of mine from high school, college, etc., reaching out and telling me about their miscarriages and how they coped and offering to talk if/when I ever want to. It's been so nice to feel so much support and reminders that we are going to be okay.

So yes, all in all Day 1 and getting to go home went as absolutely well as it possibly could have. We are feeling very blessed and are trying to be positive but mostly are just so appreciative of our loved ones. It was genuinely priceless knowing that we could fully focus on Owen, my physical recovery, and our initial emotional recovery thanks to Devon, my Mom, and Austin's Mom and Dad. Never did we have to worry about Beckett's care. Devon took her to the park and did artwork with her. Mom and Devon took her to school Wednesday where she went to the pumpkin patch with her classmates and was loved on by Miss Charlotte and Miss Claudia, Austin's parents and my mom had a dance party and attempted a crowded group bathtime - girlfriend is SO loved and it was great being reminded of how amazing our family is and how lucky we are to have them.

I know the days will get harder. I know when things return to "normal" it will be worse. I still cry a lot and struggle with wanting things to go back normal RIGHT NOW to wanting to grieve. I went in the nursery for a bit but am not ready. That's okay. It's Day 1.