Our Little Cupcake

A few shots of Beckett before Halloween Party 1 of 2! No, she didn't like the hat even though it was mommy's favorite part of the costume!

mama, I can't wear this hat

See, SO much happier without the hat

MAN, I love a swing - WOO

Why are you forcing the hat, mama? Let it go, I'm still cute without it

Week 89: 7 Days of Beckett

10/18; our cirque baby loves a trampoline at Dad's company's family event

10/19; leaving church with Dad holding her artwork - love seeing her with him

10/20; running away from mommy after pick-up at school - she is such a mess

10/21; bathtime with Aunt Devon while Mom & Dad are the hospital - priceless to know that she is so loved and cared for when we can't be with her

10/22; Beckett with her pumpkin - Aunt Devon & Gigi took her to school where her and her classmates visited the church's pumpkin patch

10/23; not the best pic, but having sushi with mom and dad - so good to be with our sweet girl again

10/24; Smiley B at the pumpkin patch with mom and dad - so, so good to be with my happy girl again - so lucky to have her

Her Week:

• Saturday: RSUI family event - Beckett had so much fun painting pumpkins, bouncing in several bounce houses and testing out the trampoline harness - she loved the food trucks and being around so many kiddos - it was a serious joy to see her have so much fun and to be out as a family enjoying the beautiful day at Piedmont Park
• Sunday: Family day at church and home - love our Martin family Sundays; afternoon visit to Gigi's while Mom & Dad went to a Couple's dinner with the Lengel's & Seamen's - Beckett had SO much fun with Mom, her friend, Aunt Devon and of course Cousin Dane, her favorite 
• Monday: Morning school; afternoon with mom; evening with Dad while mom went to the movies with Chanel & Josie
• Tuesday: Morning visit to OBGYN with mom; afternoon visit with Aunt Devon while mom & dad went to the hospital; afternoon with Aunt Devon doing crafts and playing outside; evening with Aunt Devon & Gigi
• Wednesday: Morning school and pumpkin patch with her classmates; afternoon with Aunt Devon and Gigi; evening with Gigi, Mimi & Poppa
• Thursday: Morning with Gigi, Mimi & Poppa; lunch with Mom & Dad; afternoon with Mom & Dad and visit from the Blancos & the Turmans
• Friday: Morning shopping with mom and dad to Northpoint & Perimeter; afternoon visit to the Pumpkin Patch with mom & dad

Week 88: 7 Days of Beckett

10/11; Waffle House, Dad's favorite!

10/12; Cuddled up with Daddy at the start of a Disney film; she usually makes it about 4 minutes before getting up to play while having it on "in the background' - love our Disney weekends

10/13; woke up from nap not feeling good so I propped her on the couch with water and raisins - she LOVED IT - liked having a bowl without a lid and only got up once to get "mo raisin mama."

10/14; Dad got this shot of me and Beckett with little doggy reading her book

10/15; my happy girl running in the leaves across the street in one of my favorite outfits on her - so cute and cozy!

10/16; my beauty in the backyard looking like a doll - LOVE HER

10/17; favorite horsie sweatshirt - she wouldn't give up the purse she found in my closet - she is too funny

Her Week:

• Saturday: Waffle House with mom & dad and day at home with family and football!
• Sunday: Visit to Church; family day at home - so nice to stay home and enjoy the weather!
• Monday: No school - day with mama! Morning visit to gym then afternoon with mom
• Tuesday: Full day with mom since dad had a work dinner! We visited the gym and ran errands and of course played a ton
• Wednesday: Visit to school - B just love, love, loves it there; afternoon with mom at the playground
• Thursday: Dad home to help us fix u-verse; visit to gym; lots of family time with dad and of course outside time - Beckett's absolute favorite
• Friday: morning visit to the gym with sweet, dressed up baby girl in the cold weather - afternoon errands

Week 87: 7 Days of Beckett

10/4; visiting Auburn for the first time in the 2014 season! She did great - tailgated from 8:30 a.m. - 6 p.m. - I just had to walk her around campus for 2 hours so she'd nap!

10/5; bathtime with my sweet girl

10/6; sleepy Beckett & mommy resting in her chair before bedtime

10/7; cutie girl stalling before nap by stopping to open up cabinets and doors on the way upstairs

10/8; love dressing up my happy girl - this outfit got her the name 'boo' from Monster's Inc. 

10/9; ruffles from head to toe

10/10; watching the big kids play tennis across the street

Her Week:

• Saturday: Day in Auburn - tailgating all day including outdoor nap then back to Teresa's to visit with the Cardens and the Wilks - Beckett loved her day with Ava
• Sunday: Morning with Dad on the playground while Mom went to Kallie's baby shower; drive back to Atlanta - such a fun weekend
• Monday: Morning school; errands with Mom; dad in Chicago - we missed him!
• Tuesday: Morning visit to gym; day with Mom
• Wednesday: Morning school - Beckett turned 20 months old - OMG - why is she getting so, so old?!
• Thursday: Morning visit to gym; afternoon playdate with the Hornfeck girls
• Friday: Morning visit to gym; afternoon playdate/visit with the Walter Family to meet Hollis and play with Harper; dinner with Jamie, Sharon & baby Peyton - pizza - yum!

Taking a Little Break

Going to take a little break from Owen updates to catch up Beckett's photos from October before October is over. Updates coming soon.

Our First Full Day

Friday was our first full day. I accidentally slept in until 8 a.m. Going to blame the ambien they prescribed me to sleep which has been absolutely necessary. Austin and Beckett were already in full swing downstairs having eaten breakfast and already playing. We decided our goal would be to go to the pumpkin patch that afternoon if we felt up for it. Beckett was supposed to attend a playdate with friends that day at the Pumpkin Patch and while I definitely wasn't up for that a visit with our family seemed like fun. Unfortunately I wasn't ready - my errands to get her boots and tights had not happened that week so Austin offered to shop with us. Bless him - we aren't the easiest girls to shop with. :)

We headed over to Von Maur as I knew I wanted her to have Minnetonkas. They didn't have her size in those or the uggs, but the Perimeter location did. We went to Stride Rite and thought about going to Perimeter. Stride Rite had an adorable boot and Beckett had so much fun playing with all the shoes - definitely her happy place. We got the boots then headed down to Perimeter - pretty day for a drive anyway. We tried on the Minnetonkas in her size and they just didn't fit right - boo. So we went to Gap and ran a few other errands ultimately finding her tights at Old Navy - awesome with little fox faces. At this point I had cried randomly about 5 times. Not too bad? I just kept thinking about him. And thinking about the nurses telling me he wasn't with us anymore. And thinking about how I didn't feel pregnant anymore but when I saw myself I looked pregnant.

We got home to thoughtful deliveries. Ashely Cerny had left a thoughtful bag filled with muffins, a Halloween activity for Beckett and M&Ms - so sweet. The Johnsons, van Reenens and Fenecks sent over an amazing edible arrangement with our favorite fruits. The Mittelbronns sent over a beautiful fruit basket which included an entire pineapple - yummy. The Blancos, Tuerks and Brown's had Harry & David sent over - meats, cheese, pears, sweets and more - so many goodies. These surprise supportive gifts were just what we needed to get through the afternoon. Beckett gleefully helped us unpack everything and then we had a yummy Greek lunch thanks to the Turmans. Beckett went down for a long nap and then at 3;30 p.m. it was off to the pumpkin patch.

Admittedly, I didn't feel well. Think I may have pushed myself too hard - felt tired, lightheaded, crampy, etc., but I really wanted to go do one of my favorite things - take pictures of my beautiful girl. So we went and we did just that, getting amazing photos, including this one.

After the patch we headed straight home for dinner, bathtime and bedtime. I think I fell asleep at 9? I was just so, so tired and ready for another day to start hoping I felt better the next day. All in all, I think we did a great job staying positive for B and I think she loved the pumpkin patch, especially the haybale set up and the hayride. She is such a special girl.

Getting to Go Home

We arrived at the hospital on Tuesday around noon. We ended up getting home on Thursday around noon. We thought we would get to leave Wednesday morning, but just before giving birth to Owen my fever spiked at 102 and my blood count was in the 20,000's vs. 10,000's so they worried I had an infection which led us on to antibiotics that required numerous rounds that had to be given  8 hours apart. The doctor told us Wednesday morning that in good medicine they couldn't let me leave until 24 hours after the fever spike which was 11:30 p.m. Tuesday, so I really couldn't leave until 11:30 p.m. Wednesday and at that point they would rather turn off all nurse calls so we could have a night of uninterrupted sleep at the hospital and go home refreshed in the morning on Thursday. We were sold - I wanted to be 100% when I saw my Beckett.

My fever went away. The antibiotics worked. My white blood cell count returned to 10,000 and we were given the green light to go home at 11 a.m. Thursday. By this point we had had wonderful, healing hospital visits from my Mom and Austin's brother Tyler Tuesday, Austin's parents, my sister and our minister on Wednesday, and visits from the staff at my OBGYN. And, at this point my mom and Austin's mom and dad were all at our house caring for Beckett. We called them and told them we were on the way. We pulled in the driveway full of our family's cars and walked in through the garage - we could hear Beckett at the door, "Mama? Dada?" Sweet girl opened the door and came out and gave us hugs and kisses - I have never been so happy to see her and to see our family and know that she had been 100% loved by her Aunt Devon, Gigi, Mimi and Poppa while we were away.

Our family offered to stay of course but we knew they had been there for days and all had to resume work and travel plans and honestly, we were fine to go back to the three of us. We dropped off my prescriptions and took B out for sushi. Then at 1 p.m. we put her down for her nap and got in bed with our sweet puppers and rested. I reached out to our neighbors (I take Beckett to their house every Thursday at 3 p.m. to play with their three daughters and I stay with their nanny during that time). I cancelled but their mom and nanny insisted we bring Beckett over anyway and that they would keep her until 5 p.m. so she could see her friends and we could have some time at home alone. The sweetest people. Austin walked her over and their sweet nanny sent me pictures during her visit there. At 4:30 p.m. the Blancos came over with tons of Italian food and several boxes of our favorite candy, sour patch kids. They were what we needed and it was so good to hug them. Austin and Andy walked over to get Beckett at 5 p.m. then we all visited and played with Beckett until 6:30 p.m. Me, Austin and Beckett had playtime, some movie time, bath time and bed time. We closed the door to her room at 7:30 p.m. and got a text - The Turmans were on the way with food and gifts and intended to leave it on our doorstep - we met them outside and invited them in. They brought so much Greek food and their son Lee sent a Halloween gift for Beckett (an adorable Mudpie Halloween tutu and headband) and they got a gift for Owen, a beautiful ceramic baby blue cross Christmas ornament we can hang for him this year. They visited and left around 8:30 p.m. then it was just the two of us, looking at each other feeling so grateful for the amazing support of our family and friends who made our first day back not so scary.

Not to mention, throughout the day messages were pouring in. We wanted to tell as few people as necessary and certainly wanted to avoid anyone asking about the baby not knowing, so several of our family and friends offered to share the news on our behalf - this made all of the difference in the world. Devon shared the news with the Shaws and Michelle with the Martins. Austin's boss John told his co-workers. Gail at the church told the staff at Beckett's school and our ministers. Andrea at the Gym childcare center told the staff (and they insisted on putting me on medical leave refusing to charge us). My friend Erin at the Gym told my Cardio Kickbox instructor Carrie so she could tell the Group Fitness instructors. My friend Sarah told our Mom's group and set up a Meal Train beginning Monday. Then Devon hit the button - sharing the news with Facebook ensuring that everyone, eventually, would know without us having to have any awkward conversations. People have been so sweet and thoughtful - so many notes on our walls, comments on Devon's post, and private messages. So many women, friends of mine from high school, college, etc., reaching out and telling me about their miscarriages and how they coped and offering to talk if/when I ever want to. It's been so nice to feel so much support and reminders that we are going to be okay.

So yes, all in all Day 1 and getting to go home went as absolutely well as it possibly could have. We are feeling very blessed and are trying to be positive but mostly are just so appreciative of our loved ones. It was genuinely priceless knowing that we could fully focus on Owen, my physical recovery, and our initial emotional recovery thanks to Devon, my Mom, and Austin's Mom and Dad. Never did we have to worry about Beckett's care. Devon took her to the park and did artwork with her. Mom and Devon took her to school Wednesday where she went to the pumpkin patch with her classmates and was loved on by Miss Charlotte and Miss Claudia, Austin's parents and my mom had a dance party and attempted a crowded group bathtime - girlfriend is SO loved and it was great being reminded of how amazing our family is and how lucky we are to have them.

I know the days will get harder. I know when things return to "normal" it will be worse. I still cry a lot and struggle with wanting things to go back normal RIGHT NOW to wanting to grieve. I went in the nursery for a bit but am not ready. That's okay. It's Day 1.